My Eating Disorder by Kasia

Dear Readers,

Recovery is work. Hard work. And when a doctor decides you are physically recovered, the psychological and emotional journey continues. It isn’t easy. There’s the physical changes, the thought patterns, the distressing emotions, and the feeling of being completely alone. I hope this blog can make our Recovery a bit easier, simply by knowing that we are NOT alone.





This week, Kasia describes her experience of physical recovery and that knowledge that the journey includes healing. A facilitator at Sheena’s Place says, a trigger is a place inside that needs to be healed. 

Take good care of yourself, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,

Kira

My Eating disorder 

(why not just call it rules and self inflicted unwritten prescriptions for the crazy societal norm)

started at around age 8 and a half.     

By the time i was 13 i was admitted to a Hospital for sick children

I was really confused to say the least.

I had to stay for about 7 weeks.  

31 years later i started getting my period

yet at this point in my life

I see my body with much more 

acceptance

than in previous years

yet i'm not done healing yet

just because the hormonal axis have managed to regulate themselves. 

Miraculously.

By Kasia

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Work published on this blog is property of the writer/artist. Content is edited and approved by the moderator. This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Please see your health practitioner if you have concerns about yourself or your recovery. 

If you would like to share your stories, writings, and art, please email Kmccarthy@Sheenasplace.org

If you or someone in your life is struggling with an Eating Disorder, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) at nedic.ca

For information or to register for groups at Sheena's Place, please visit www.sheenasplace.org

Art by Alexandra Zimbulidis

The long weekend can present opportunities for rest and relaxation, for traditions, for enjoying the warm weather, and for anxiety and stress around family gatherings. Remember to practice self-compassion as you navigate your way through your weekend. Self-care and self-kindness are not acts of selfishness. They are acts of resistance in a world that tells us to put ourselves last. You are allowed to take care of yourself in ways that you know are good for you. 
You are allowed to do what you need to do to be good to yourself. 

This week we are honoured to publish art created by Alexandra Zimbulidis.

Take good care of yourself, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,

Kira

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Work published on this blog is property of the writer/artist. Content is edited and approved by the moderator. This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Please see your health practitioner if you have concerns about yourself or your recovery. 
If you would like to share your stories, writings, and art, please email Kmccarthy@Sheenasplace.org
If you or someone in your life is struggling with an Eating Disorder, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) at nedic.ca
For information or to register for groups at Sheena's Place, please visit www.sheenasplace.org

Making Connections - Making Friends

Dear Readers,

One of the most meaningful parts of being a client at Sheena's Place is the connections that you make with people in groups. Sitting in a room full of other people who just "get it" is a feeling like no other. The guidelines at SP make it a safe space to be authentic and vulnerable. It can be terrifying to walk through that door the first time. You approach the stairs and the front porch and don't know if you even want to touch the doorknob. And, as one of the facilitators likes to say, "next time it won't be your first time!"

If you are struggling with the anxiety about registering for a group, treat yourself with some kindness and compassion. You are not alone in your struggles with ED, you are not alone in the fear of attending a group. Most importantly, you are not alone. Your first step can simply be reading this blog. Maybe one day you will leave a comment on a post. Perhaps spark a conversation. And when you are ready and you still feel like you don't know if you can do it, all you have to do is open the door.

This week, Kim shares her story of how a friendship began through the connection made in an SP group.

Take good care of yourself, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,

Kira

Making Connections - Making Friends

By Kim 

Prompt: Write about a time when I experienced or felt vulnerability and it had a positive outcome.

At first I gagged thinking about this.  Ick.  Vulnerability.  No thank you!

One hard thing I did not that long ago was walk into Sheena's Place.  First I had to acknowledge to myself that my behaviours were actually a problem, not just "this is me."  Walking into the house was hard.  What if people saw me walk in there?  What if whoever was there called me on my self-diagnosis?  "You don't look like you have a real problem with an eating disorder. Are you sure you belong here?"  "Staff reserve the right to refuse service if clients are not "bad" enough to need the help offered there" .... OK, so a bit of a tangent...

My first group at Sheena's Place was about Trauma, The Body, and ED (Eating Disorders).  There were about 20 of us.  It got deep quickly, yet people kept their words high level enough to avoid triggering anyone.  During my 8-10 weeks attending this group, I also attended a one-day workshop on perfectionism where a co-trauma group member was also in attendance.  We had a little smile, a little connection.

On the last day of my trauma group, I fiddled with my papers.  I was trying to write a perfectly worded, not too desperate sounding note to her, telling her that I'd like to keep in touch, and if she was interested, here's my email.

I wrote the note a couple of times of course.  Then the group session was ending.  I was about to miss my chance.  I quickly got up, gave it to her, and scurried away, avoiding any direct rejection as fast as possible.

To my delight, she emailed me!  And we have been fast and close friends for the past two years.

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Work published on this blog is property of the writer/artist. Content is edited and approved by the moderator. This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Please see your health practitioner if you have concerns about yourself or your recovery. 
If you would like to share your stories, writings, and art, please email Kmccarthy@Sheenasplace.org
If you or someone in your life is struggling with an Eating Disorder, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) at nedic.ca
For information or to register for groups at Sheena's Place, please visit www.sheenasplace.org

"Consumed" by Samuel

Dear Readers, 

Today, we are featuring a piece from Samuel. Thank you for taking the time to submit your story.

Take good care of yourself, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,

Kira

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Over 1/3 of my life has been consumed by my eating disorder (and I'm currently still in recovery, on the squiggly up-swing).

This period of time is a blessing and a curse simultaneously.  The blessing is, that it helped me cope for many years with other very distressing occurrences in my life.  The curse is, that I could have developed better coping mechanisms, but at the time it is all I had.  It seemed natural to get my self-worth from body image.  But it's not.  And so it began...

After a decade of my life passing in the grips of my eating disordered thoughts, I find it difficult to imagine what life would look like without them ruling the brain.  Relationships, career, hobbies, family, health, experiences, etc. What have I missed out on?  Or more importantly - what can I look forward to? :-)

Today, every day, I fight rigidity & self-hatred.  I know when I'm in my disease because it reflects in how I treat others [they are victim to my ED thoughts as much as I am].  To recover, I muster positive energy & re-wire neurons on a daily basis by engaging in healthier activities, behaviors, places, things & people.  Saying "yes" to new things is good for me, whether it is "yes" to foods, conversations, people, work, challenges, or trusting others.

I repeat:  Everything will be ok.  Everything will be ok.  Everything will be ok.  Just focus on recovery & fluidity (I come from cement rigidity).  There is no box to fit in, other than the one that floats around my body, formed on my changing self.

Samuel

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Work published on this blog is property of the writer/artist. Content is edited and approved by the moderator. This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Please see your health practitioner if you have concerns about yourself or your recovery. 
If you would like to share your stories, writings, and art, please email Kmccarthy@Sheenasplace.org
If you or someone in your life is struggling with an Eating Disorder, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) at nedic.ca
For information or to register for groups at Sheena's Place, please visit www.sheenasplace.org

A Poem by Brooke

This week we are featuring a poem by Brooke. 

Take good care of yourself, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,

Kira

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All the long-term

is futile

For a moment

it's relevant.

Then fleeting,

fleeting.

A comet passing

rapid cycle.

The gravity is in 

My gut.

Inertia in my veins

Inertia wanting to escape

My soul wanting to 

Flee.

The weight of gravity

Is tangible.

The opposite of

space,

Particles.

The airhead of

Recovery goals.

What a horrible, foreign

Definition.

Changing each moment.

However does one freefall,

From inertia to

clinging, 

to 

an icy, melting,

comet.

I've never been co-ordinated.

- Brooke

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Work published on this blog is property of the writer/artist. Content is edited and approved by the moderator. This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Please see your health practitioner if you have concerns about yourself or your recovery. 
If you would like to share your stories, writings, and art, please email Kmccarthy@Sheenasplace.org
If you or someone in your life is struggling with an Eating Disorder, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) at nedic.ca
For information or to register for groups at Sheena's Place, please visit www.sheenasplace.org